it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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