dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
