If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
