hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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