do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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