I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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