I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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