a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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