I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
