No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
