im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
