This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
