I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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