Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
