He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
