I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Boobs are out for the taking
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
