I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
