I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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