with your own penis?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
