it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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