I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my poor anus
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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