The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
