He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
