how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
