I think I died a long time ago.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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