I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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