She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
