i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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