drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
