Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize