don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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