I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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