if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
