woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
