Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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