And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
