worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
