I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
