That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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