Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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