First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
