He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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