Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
