you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
