went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
