Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize