So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
