I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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