Sorry, I don't speak sober.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
