I wish I could punch you in the face.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
