is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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