I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Everclear isn't food dammit
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