Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
