just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
