my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
