Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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