It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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