did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
