one might say we're banned from that church
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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