I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
