she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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